Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
