So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
she told me i tasted like america
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
