Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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