I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
