I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
