If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
