I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize