Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
