We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
