I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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