dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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