Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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