I wish I could punch you in the face.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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