I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
COCAINE IS GR8
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
