Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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