For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
