I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
