mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
