I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
