you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
