were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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