Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
