I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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