Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
