I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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