I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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