Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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