I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
