so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Can I color on your dick again?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
