ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
