He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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