Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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