I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
