You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
