I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
