you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
did i just pee glitter
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
