I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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