He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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