My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
