he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize