i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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