Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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