my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
