i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
