Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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