I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize