in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
