weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
