There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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