JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The uberlube is also flammable
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
