I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
My bed is full of blood and feathers
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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