im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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