some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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