She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
