It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
