Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
