The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
