people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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