I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Houston, we have a blender
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
