He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
