Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My Sexting was not on an AP level
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize