Too much gin, very little bucket
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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