Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
