is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
