I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
