dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
