Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
