He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
