There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
